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APRIL 1, 2021 - New reporting from the Suez Canal indicates that previous stories about why the skyscraper-sized container ship Ever Given blocked the canal were inaccurate - the ship did not run aground because of high winds that forced it off course.

Authorities who boarded the ship - which was going from the Yantian district of China to  Rotterdam in the Netherlands - to inspect its cargo found that it in fact was loaded down  with thousands of grey Amazon Prime delivery vans that the company planned to scatter across the EU in an effort to dominate the continent's delivery infrastructure.  There also were several containers loaded with delivery drones.

Each van, inspectors said, was laden with China-made electronics - including Alexa-based systems - that would be placed in Amazon distribution centers before being priced so low that it would be irresponsible not to buy them.

The combined weight of the vans, drones and products was so heavy that the ship could not help but run aground, experts said.

One Amazon logistics employee, who asked not to be identified because he was afraid of being transferred to the Amazon warehouse on Diego Garcia, said, 'If you think the traffic jam in the Suez Canal was bad, wait until these vans hit the roads and highways of Europe.  And there are so many drones that they're gonna blot out the sun.  It's gonna be awesome.

Each of the vans also contained a portable urinal - with built-in automatic disposal system - designed to allow drivers not to have to stop to use the bathroom while on their routes.

The Amazon logistics expert, however, defended these systems.  "People have it all wrong," he said.  "They think we're putting those in so the drivers can avoid rest stops, but what people don't understand is that each one is equipped with equipment that allows us to instantly test the urine of every driver, making sure that they are not under the influence of alcohol or non-performance enhancing drugs."