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Or, to simply read the commentary in text form, continue below…


Hi, I'm Kevin Coupe and this is MorningNewsBeat Radio, brought to you by Webstop, experts in the art of retail website design services.

And the winner is…

Nope, I'm not going to make it that easy. If I had to wade through the hundreds of submissions for a name to replace 'The Balance Sheet,' which is what I've been calling the section where I report on quarterly and annual sales figures for the past five-plus years, I want you to get a sense of some of the best submissions.

Like last time I ran a contest, I can’t tell you some of the submissions because they were just plain dirty. Really funny, but dirty. You know who you are if you contributed one of those, and I'm proud that you’re a member of the MorningNewsBeat community.

There were some suggestions that were serious and sober-minded, though, and many of them came up on a frequent basis. These included:

• The Numbers Game
• Money Matters
• The Green Beat
• The Red & Black Beat
• Profit & Loss
• The Bottom Line
• Corporate Health Beat
• Street Beat

If this were a democracy, the new name would be "Dollars and Sense." But it isn’t a democracy, and to be honest, I was looking for something a little cheeky. And there were plenty of those to choose from, believe me.

Many of them referred to popular culture, with names such as "Deal Or No Deal" and
"The Good, The Bad & The Ugly."

I really liked the suggestion that we name it after a Jimmy Buffett song called "Math Suks." But I thought that might get a little tiresome after a while.

Henry Stein had a suggestion I liked a lot: "Kicking Assets."

Ariel Schaffer offered a good one: "Mind The GAAP."

Someone else suggested the symmetrical "Financial Focus & other Hocus Pocus."

Often the suggestions contradicted each other. For example, Mark Campbell put forth "Numbers Don’t Lie" as a suggestion, while someone else suggested "A Bunch Of Lies Agreed Upon."

Someone who may have been just a little bit bitter offered "I Should Have Bought/Dumped This Stock Yesterday."

Our old friend John Lightfoot suggested we call it "ROI," and someone else suggested "RIP," which made me think that I ought to combine them…but maybe that's a little too cynical.

And this only scrapes the surface. There were just so many good suggestions, it was incredibly hard to choose.

And the winner is…Mike Overschmidt, who had the good sense to go to "Monty Python & The Meaning Of Life" for his inspiration, noting that "Meaning Of Life" was preceded by a short film entitled "Crimson Permanent Assurance" that was about a staid British accounting firm taken over by The Very Big Corporation Of America.

So, as a salute to all things Python and the defining irreverence that the comedy group represents – and that we cherish – "The Balance Sheet" will henceforth be known as "The Department Of Permanent Financial Anxiety."

Until we get tired of it, at least.

For MorningNewsBeat Radio, I'm Kevin Coupe.
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